Reasons Marriages Fail

Assuming that the marriage begins on the right foot, that is, there has been a healthy courtship, there is genuine love for each other, and there has been proper pre-marriage counseling (this applies to everyone, by the way), then, over time, some issues can develop to sink a marriage.

This is not an exhaustive list, but following are five principle reasons marriages fail, followed by a few more for your consideration.

Submission - The wife does not submit to the husband and the husband does not submit to other men. Rebellious wives or husbands is a formula for disaster. Answer: Strong adherence to biblical model of mutual submission. Men need to be accountable to other men thus they need an Inner Circle. Both spouses should recognize proper boundaries for living.

Money - When the husband does not produce enough income to meet the basic requirements of the home and debt ensues, this places extreme stress on the wife. Women need security and money is one of those securities. Answer: The man must place a priority on making an income. Hard work and a plan. Includes special training, etc. Understand your career goals. Never get in debt.

Personal Growth - When one spouse commits to personal growth and the other doesn't, then the two grow apart. Both must commit to growth. Answer: Have a plan for lifelong learning. Must also not engage in activities detrimental to the marriage.

Selfishness - It cannot be all take and no give on anyone's part in the marriage. This can be a blind spot in both men and women. Answer: Use the VIPER model for evaluating behavior.

Time - Or the lack thereof. You must spend quality time AND quantity time with your spouse.  Consider carefully any occupation that takes you out of town on a regular basis. Make sure that what you do in your available time can include your spouse and that you've set aside time for the wife and kids. Answer: Here's one... read the Bible together! That's good for 80 hours in one year and think of what you'll learn together. Could be a good tonic for Submission, Money, Personal Growth, Selfishness, and Time issues!!!!

More Reasons Marriage Fail

Blended Families

• Ex-spouses can be a major issue, as they never go away if children are involved. Make sure your new spouse understands this. Ex-spouses can also require some of your money for child support, thus exacerbating the issues described above about money.

• Children can be an issue in blended families. The new parent may have different discipline philosophy than the single parent had. Get this squared away BEFORE the marriages.

• If you've lost once, do you know that you won't lose again? You already left one spouse, will you do it again? It's easier the second time (and third...).

Later-In-Life Marriages - If you marry after being single for a good part of your adult life (say, after 30), then you may well be very set in your ways and used to doing things your own way. Get this squared away too BEFORE you get married. Establish boundaries so each person knows what they can do to not "push the other person's buttons."

Career Philosophy - If the man is a risk-taking entrepreneurial type, and the wife is a security-conscious job-mentality type, trouble is brewing. Get this understood ASAP when courting.

Differing Temperaments - If one person is highly aggressive and one is highly passive, that could be a problem. If both are highly aggressive, that could be a problem too! One may have a dream that is unimportant to the other, or the other may have no dream at all. This leads to frustration.

Spousal Obligations - The man and the wife have the privilege of married couples. When one defrauds another, or uses the physical side of marriage as a weapon, then the marriage will be severely strained in no time flat. This may take professional counseling to correct.

In-Laws - The Good Book says that a man would leave his mother and a woman would leave her home. It says that for a reason. A married couple living with one of the parents, or a meddling parent can be a disaster for a marriage.

Children - It has been said that sometimes the tiny hands of a child hold together a marriage. It's also true that if you and your spouse have differing ideas about child discipline, child boundaries, and child responsibilities and obligations, this can put a strain on a marriage. Further, the spouse MUST come before the child; when the child is given first place, the other spouse will resent it.

Religion - Mixed religion marriages, if either of the spouses takes the subject seriously, can be a real problem. Religious conversions after marriage can also be a stress point. Get counsel if this is your situation.

Contempt - When one spouse loses respect and enters into contempt for the other, it's over. One must ask why it gets to this point. Is there no communication?

Taking It For Granted - A real hazard in the religious community. If one spouse thinks that because of religious vows the other spouse will never leave, then they may well "let themselves go." Gain weight, lose ambition, slip into a bad attitude thinking the other spouse can never leave. Look at the rate of divorce in the religious community - it is equal to the secular community. Better evaluate your marriage, even if you think you have a "no divorce" guarantee...

Poor Character - A reality is that for some people, personal honor, their word, and morality are just not in their DNA. Just look at how they live their life and the decisions they make. This is a major grief for the other party, no question about it.